Woulda Coulda Shoulda
by Ejdj
Summary: Ok here goes my VERY FIRST fanfiction story, actually it's only a "one-shot" ! Thanks goes out to DSFEO78 for the encourgement for me to finally do this. The girls have a "woulda coulda shoulda" moment ... like we all have at one time. Whether it is good or bad, PLEASE review or comment. Obviously, I own nothing except for these words.


**Woulda coulda shoulda**

**Jane's POV -**

I still can't believe it happened but it did. I am not looking to lay blame; we both had a part in it. The badass; stoic; "don't let them see ya sweat" detective that I am put on a real good show but inside I was dying.

The opinions and reactions ran the gamut of, "what, no way, are you shitting me ?"; We're so sorry, we can't believe it, you two were so good together"; "if anyone was gonna cheat, I was sure it woulda been you" - can you believe that comment came from the mouth of my partner Barry and last but not least, my Ma's reaction: "oh Janie I'm so sorry, after you eat something, you go and get Maura, you listen to what she has to say and take her back. You two love each other more than you two even know. But let me feed you first"!

Ma was the only person to tell me to go to Maura and hear her out. She told me point blank that both Maura and I fucked this up. She told me to _"Cowboy Up"_ and go get back the most loving woman that I have ever known. I didn't have any energy in me to stand up and leave so I just sat and listened to my Ma but there was no way I was going to follow her advice. The last thing I was gonna do was listen to Maura and give her anymore of my time. My bags were packed; I'm moving on, ya can't piss backward.

I wrapped myself up in work, volunteering to sit on the midnight wire taps after I already worked my scheduled tour and even on my regular day off. I became reckless at work; sitting in the hospital ER to past the time was better than sitting in my apartment. I just slept there, it wasn't my home.

I was never a "woulda, coulda, shoulda" kind of girl but I most certainly believed in "never say never". How my belief of never say never turned me right into a woulda coulda shoulda kind of girl . . . Go figure!

I woulda went to her before Ma put food in front of me . . . Did she really think I was gonna eat, I haven't eaten in 3 days, why would I eat now ?

I woulda said to her, "I am really crazy and wound up right now but I want to listen to you, I want to understand how all this happened. No I don't want; I need to listen and I need to understand. I need to know that you still love me as much as I love you. I need to know that we can work past this.

I woulda listened to Maura and gave her the time and attention that our relationship deserves.

I woulda told her that I love her and we both are to blame.

I woulda held her tight, tighter than I ever had before.

I coulda called Maura, hoping to get her voicemail just to hear her voice.

I coulda called out her name when I saw walking downtown.

I coulda told her I missed her when I saw her at the concert hall with friends.

I coulda told her in a letter that I miss her beautiful smile and eyes and that I can see them when I close my eyes. I coulda apologized for walking out on her when she was pleading with me to stay and listen.

She reached out to me; told me that her girlfriend asked her to move in; she asked me what she should do . . . I told her to go on with her life - I did. I coulda told her "no, don't do it. I need you, I need us. I've never stopped loving you".

Time has past.

She called when she came back to town, another break-up and moving van behind her. She left a voicemail asking to see me. In between tears and stuttering she says she closes her eyes and can see my piano playing hands. I can hear a giggle when she says she looks at people's hands and compares them to mine. That makes me smile. She hopes that I call her but she understands and accepts it if I don't. She says goodbye.

I shoulda went to her immediately.

I shoulda let my guard down instead of being "badass, stoic, don't let them see ya sweat".

I shoulda wrapped my arms around her and never let her go again.

I woulda done things differently  
I coulda done things differently  
I shoulda done things differently

But I didn't.

**Maura's POV -**

I still can't believe it happened but it did.

I cheated on the woman who I was in love with. Our relationship wasn't perfect but that doesn't condone what I did. I allowed an innocent flirtation become drastically out of hand and that was my doing.

I have an analytical mind, I am not one to wonder what I could have done, would have done or should have done. How I began to ponder could have, would have, should have is beyond me. I could list many theories but who am I kidding . . .

I would have  
I could have  
I should have

But I didn't.


End file.
